How to Handle Stupidity in the Workplace (With Etiquette)

A cheat-sheet for setting boundaries and articulated comebacks.

When your workplace starts pressing buttons and crossing lines, there’s a “right way” and a “wrong way” to respond. The wrong way is the easy way, “that’s not my job,” or “read the whole email first.” The right way is a bit more complicated, but rest assured you’ve found a clean-cut cheat-sheet to setting your boundaries and standing up for yourself. Without further ado, and with an immense handful of tips from loewhaley on Instagram, here are the best ways to professionally approach the workplace BS without losing your mind:

When you have too much work, or tasked with someone else’s —

That is not part of my job.

• I am not the correct person to assist with this but I am happy to connect you with [X] who will be able to help.
• Have you connected with [X] in regards to me taking this on — as it has not been communicated to me that I will be working on this.
• That falls outside of my responsibilities, but I would be happy to connect you with someone who can help.

I don’t have time to this

• I do not have the capacity to take this on in addition to my own workload, but I’m happy to support where it makes sense.
• As my workload is quite heavy, can you help me understand what I should re-prioritize in order to accommodate this new task?
• I am unable to take that on at the moment as my current workload is quite heavy, is there someone else who can assist with this?
• I will do my best to complete this with the time allotted, but do not want to make promises or set expectation that I cannot deliver on, for the safety of the team and the work.
• I am not able to offer you additional support in completing your workload as I’m at capacity with my own assigned tasks and responsibilities.

It’s not urgent just because you want it to be

• I understand that this is a priority for you and I will get to it when I am able to, as I’m currently working on more pressing items.

I have too much work

• My productivity is being impacted by the overwhelming workload that I am currently assigned. Is there any support you or the team can offer?

— When you’re expected to work overtime —

I’m not staying late to do this

• I am unable to attend after working hours.
• My workday concludes at Xp.m., but I would be happy to prioritize this first thing tomorrow.
• Unfortunately I am unable to work this weekend/evening, but I will ensure this gets prioritized during working hours.
• I can look at prioritizing this behind my assigned responsibilities, however I cannot commit to a timeline as my workload is dictated by [X].
• If you have a moment to send an email, I’ll review it first thing tomorrow morning and let you know if I have questions.
• (For prior to working hours): If you need to contact me, please be aware that my working hours begin at Xa.m., and communications received prior to this may not be seen.

Stop making promises about my timelines without asking me

• Moving forward, it would be best to first confirm my capacity to handle this in a timely manner, so that I may effectively complete these tasks to meet proper deadlines.
• As we move forward, It’s important that my ability to complete these tasks is understood before planning on our behalf.
• In order to avoid road bumps (before a problem occurs) / not have a repeat of this kind of situation (if the problem has already occurred), let’s have a clear plan to check on my capacity to handle this effectively beforehand.
• Can you walk me through your thinking on these timelines? I have some hesitations with the dates shared.

Can you stop scheduling calls first thing Monday mornings?

• Can we schedule these types of calls later in the morning on Mondays, as I need time to look over and prioritize my tasks for the week ahead before jumping in.

— When you’re ready to ask for more money —

If you’re expecting me to work more, I expect you to pay me more

• Is the expectation here that my responsibilities and workload are evolving, but I am to remain with the same job title and compensation?
• Will these tasks be part of my job long-term? If so, is there an opportunity to reevaluate my job description, title, and overall compensation to more accurately reflect these additional responsibilities?
• Are additional team members being added to take on these roles, or will I be expected to absorb these responsibilities? If the latter, I would be happy to set up some time to discuss appropriate compensation for this role expansion.
• With my role expanding, is there a plan to review my title and compensation to better reflect these additional responsibilities?
• As my role has organically evolved, can we schedule a time to review my overall compensation and discuss whether or not it is still aligned with my current role and responsibilities?
• Given my contributions to the company’s success along with a current market analysis of my role, when can we set up a time to discuss a salary review?
• This falls outside of my current job description, but if the opportunity for a role expansion becomes available, I would be happy to discuss reworking my contract to better align with these new responsibilities.

— When you need them to move their butt —

We’re running out of time, hurry up

• Is there a higher priority task that is consuming all of your capacity at the moment?
• If you require any support to complete this task, please let me know.
• As our deadline is quickly approaching, can you provide an update as to where you are in completing this task?
• It is important that we have this completed in order to meet our targeted deadlines which are quickly approaching.
• If you can try, with deadlines approaching, it’s imperative that I receive this in order to proceed.
• I understand this is a busy time and if it is easier for you to jump on a call, I am happy to set up some time in order to get this resolved.
• It is my understanding that this is your responsibility; if that is not the case, please let me know.
• Please let me know when your deliverables have been completed

Answer my emails

• If there is a better way to get in contact with you, please let me know as I am hoping to have this resolved as soon as possible.
• It is my understanding that you are the appropriate person to contact in regards to this, but if there is someone better equipped for this, please let me know.

— When they’re wasting your time or checking in too much —

I’ll provide an update when I have one, stop bothering me

• I would appreciate your patience, as I need time to address this; I will provide an update once one is available.
• You have not heard from me because further information is not available at this time. Once I have an update, I’ll be sure to loop you in.
• If you could give me some space to complete my work that would be very helpful.
• Unless it is critically important, I would appreciate a message prior to a call/visit, as I like to be as efficient as possible during my tasks and avoid any interruptions. I assure you I will reply as soon as possible.

Stop bombarding me with emails

• To ensure that information does not get missed, can you please condense your communications into a single email/message where possible?
• To ensure that information does not get lost, let’s reduce the frequency of communication so that updates are only provided once more details have been established.
• If you wouldn’t mind, I would appreciate if you could try to keep things concise in single messages to avoid any missed information moving forward.
• Would you be open to replacing our frequent communications with a monthly touch-base where we can discuss all updates during that time?

These meetings are unnecessary

• Being respectful of everyone’s time, can we communicate about this via email moving forward?
• I am currently tied up with something, but I will connect with you once I am free.
• Being respectful of time, let’s regroup when more details become available.
• Being respectful of everyone’s time, let’s discuss this through email until we have a more defined agenda.
• Moving forward, it would be best for everyone if this type of information is conveyed in emails rather than calls to be conscious of everyone’s time and workload, and I will reply with any questions or set up a brief call, should additional information be needed.

If you have me scheduled for meetings all day, when do you expect me to get this work done?

• My calendar is currently heavily scheduled with meetings; to ensure appropriate time is available to get this done I can sit out of lower-priority meetings this week, or extend the deadline on this project. Please let me know which is preferred.

— When you need clarity —

I can’t remember all of this

• Would you be able to summarize this in an email, so that I have a clear log of the necessary information to refer back to?

I need to know more before I do anything

• In order to successfully complete this, I will need further details on what is required.
• Please let me know when further details become available as I require more information to successfully complete this task.
• If you can try, with deadlines approaching, it’s imperative that I receive this information in order to proceed.

I have no idea what you’re talking about

• I’m not sure I understand the context here, can you elaborate?

You didn’t answer all of my questions

• Are you able to provide some clarity around the other questions previously asked?

Nobody told me this

• This was not communicated to me prior to this.
• This would have been valuable to communicate earlier on in this process.
• I made the best decision I could with the information that I was provided, if there is a way to amend this let me know, Moving forward, let’s aim to be more clear and on these types of details to avoid this happening again.
• Can you help me better understand what exactly it is that you require on my end?

— When you need to criticize —

Stop micromanaging/Stay in your lane

• Though I appreciate your attention to this, I feel as though I could be more productive if I had an opportunity to work independently here.
• I am confident in my ability to complete this project and will be sure to reach out if or when I require your input.
• Thank you for your input, I’ll keep that in mind as I move forward with decisions that fall within my responsibility.

Read the whole email before you respond

• The previous communications contain the information you are looking for, but I will paste it here for clarity.
• Reattaching my email to provide further clarity. I have highlighted the part that concerns this the most.
• I have included my initial email below which contains all of the details you are looking for.
• I previously sent you an email regarding that, but please let me know if something went wrong in transit.

Try problem solving on your own before you come to me

• I encourage you to brainstorm possible solutions prior to looping me in for additional support.

I told you so

• As per my prediction, this outcome does not come as a surprise,…

Because I told you so, now it’s your problem

• I did previously note that this was a likely outcome, how do you plan to resolve this?
• As I mentioned something of this effect may happen, so moving forward, what do you believe would be the best solution to remedy this?

I don’t believe you

• I’m not confident that the information you have provided is correct.

Can you calm down?

• I believe it would be best for everyone in this situation if we all try to remain calm so that we can alleviate this with a proper and constructive approach.

That sounds like a terrible idea

• Are we confident that this is the best solution, or are we still exploring alternatives?
• I am not in agreement with this idea, and have hesitations moving forward.

— The miscellaneous passive-aggressiveness

If everything is urgent, nothing is urgent

• I understand the importance of this, but would you be able to provide a better sense of its concern, so that I may organize these tasks accordingly?
• Given the gravity of these tasks, can you provide more information on the highest priorities, so that I have an understanding of what is the most urgent?

What you are saying does not make sense

• We seem to have a different understanding on this, can you elaborate further on your thought process here?

I’ve told you this 100 times

• The information has not changed since the last time it was communicated.
• There seems to be a disconnect here as this information has already been provided.

That’s not my problem

• What you are describing is not something within my control.
• I recommend directing this issue to [X] as they have the proper expertise to best assist you.

That is definitely *your* problem

• I believe that falls within your scope of responsibilities, but I am happy to support where it makes sense.

If you want it done your way then just do it yourself

• As you seem to have a very clear vision for the execution of this, I encourage you to take the lead here and I am happy to support where necessary.

If more changes are required, do them yourself

• If further edits are required, I have attached a version of the document the you can apply your edits directly into.

I don’t have the training for this

• Is training is available in order for me to successfully complete this?

I don’t care

• I will defer to your judgement on this as I am not passionate either way, and I trust your expertise.
• I am not passionate about this, and will defer to your judgment here.

Google it

• The internet is a great resource for these types of questions, and I am available to clarify elements that you are not able to find online.

Stop ignoring my meeting requests

• Your attendance is required for this discussion. If this date/time does not work on your end, please propose a new time that works for you.
• Is there someone I may be able to contact on your behalf to offer my recommendation on the possibility of moving things to accommodate for your workload?

Stop CC’ing everyone

• To optimize communication, perhaps we can target these emails to a more focused group.

I don’t need to be included on this email

• I do not feel as though I am able to add value to this conversation, please remove me from this thread and feel free to loop me back in in the future should my involvement be required.

Stop excluding me from important meetings

• Please include me in all future meetings pertaining to this topic, as my involvement is necessary.

Hire more people

• The team is already at capacity and will require additional resources in order for this to get completed.

I totally forgot about your email

• Thank you for your patience and I apologize for not getting back to this sooner; allow me a few moments to immediately review this.

I already told you this

• As indicated prior,…

Why would I go into the office when I can do my job from here?

• Can you help me understand why I am required to be in the office when I can effectively execute my job responsibilities remotely?

— When you’re ready to fight back

Stop interrupting me

• Thanks for your input, but please wait until I am finished sharing my thoughts before proceeding.
• Allow me to take a moment to finish my thoughts, unless you would prefer, I can summarize all of this in an email so that we have a proper log of all the information we need to refer to moving forward.

Stop disrespecting me

• Our effectiveness would benefit from a greater level of respect and professionalism than what I currently feel is being displayed.
• I encourage you to reevaluate the way you are speaking to me, as the disrespect you are currently displaying towards me is not welcome, nor will it be tolerated.

Did you just take credit for my work?

• It’s great to see my ideas being exposed to a wider audience and I would have appreciated the opportunity to have been included in the delivery.

Why didn’t you ask me for this sooner?

• Given the tight turnaround, it would have been beneficial to have been looped in on this sooner.

— BONUS: INTERVIEW QUESTIONS EDITION —

Does the company actually care about employees?

• Are there resources and boundaries in place to support the physical and mental health of employees?

How much does this role pay?

• Can you share what the overall compensation looks like for this role? (This is best asked before they begin asking you for your salary expectations, if possible).

Are promotions based on performance, obedience, overworking, or politics?

• Is there an opportunity for growth within the company, and if so, what is the main metric for promotion?

Do you have a culture that expects employees to put in over 40 hours each week?

• Is it common within the company for employees to exceed 40 working-hours per week?

Is the manager of this role a micromanager?

• How involved is the reporting manager with this role?

Do you expect employees to be available 24/7?

• What is the expectation for being available outside of working hours?

A final word, the “Unofficial rules of workplace etiquette”

It’s not always the workplace clown causing all the issues. We also have our fair share of shortcomings from time to time, so let’s wrap this up with a general list of tips and rules, some of which also include tips courtesy of Dale Carnegie’s best-selling novels:

— For Getting Along —

• Every suggestion is best packaged as a question — always “ask” what you want them to do rather than giving it as a direct order . It works all the time.
• Always add a buffer when giving estimates, it is better to under promise and over deliver than fail to meet the expectations you provided.
• If you bring up a problem, include a possible solution.
• If someone else isn’t doing their job, do it for them and do a really terrible job of it, then send it to them with the likes of “I noticed you’ve been tied-up with other tasks, so I went ahead and took the lead on this, does it look alright?” Nobody wants their name on bad work, so they’ll drop everything and fix it immediately.
• “I give 100% when I’m working, and these are my boundaries” is the best way to set your boundaries of “I do the bare minimum to get by.”
• Document everything — ask for any verbal orders, tasks, etc. to be communicated by email so that you have a clear log of your tasks and necessary information to refer to later, and you have a clear log of everyone else’s statements in the event they try to make excuses.
• Set and manage expectations early and often.
• Congratulate your colleagues on their successes, and make them feel good. They’ll like being around you.
• Share your successes and praises with others, give them credit even if they were hardly part of it. It takes no merit away from you, your bosses will be impressed with the honorable modesty, and your coworkers will cherish that you make them feel important.
• Apologies, even the smallest ones, will make everyone happy and forget it ever happened. Stubbornness, arrogance, and pretending you did nothing wrong will make everyone resent you, and remember it forever.
• “I don’t know” is a perfectly acceptable answer. Making up a fake answer is asking for problems.
• If you’re off the clock, you have a thousand reasons why you “couldn’t answer the phone” and they don’t need any of them anyway.
• Admit your faults quickly, and be empathetic.
• The three-minute rule states if you have something that needs to be done and it takes less than 3 minutes, do it now.
• Set “work-block” meetings in your calendar with yourself so you have time to actually get work done and not be bothered. You can also set them to take a personal phone call.
• Reject compensation for small favors, people will like you more and feel closer, and they’ll be right there when you need a favor from them.
• Don’t be afraid to ask for help, but ALWAYS let them know their help was worth it.

— Friendly Etiquette Reminders —

• Check people’s ability before setting up meetings.
• Nothing new before 11am on Mondays or after 3pm on Fridays. Nothing.
• Do not microwave fish in the office.
• Do not call someone on teams without messaging them first.
• Signing off with “thank you” or any other positive note will make a bad communication or criticism go over much smoother and feel less like an attack.
• If everything is urgent, nothing is urgent.
• Never, NEVER send emails when you’re angry. If there’s enough time to add a full day, sleep on it and respond the next day.
• Remember that you’re making the best decision you can with the information that you have.
• Save work compliments in a folder to look back on when you start to doubt yourself.
• Keep things as concise as possible, even when being as clear, detailed and informative and detailed as you can.
• If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.
• Let people save-face if it wouldn’t affect you anyway, or if calling them out would achieve nothing.
• Urgent and important are not synonyms.
• Ask your coworkers about them after telling them all about you.
• Complaining and panicking accomplish nothing. Everyone is good at them, but everyone hates hearing them too.
• If you have to criticize, never do it in public or around others.

Conclusion

With that, I hope this guide serves you well, as it has certainly served me. I will continue to return from time to time with more tips and prompts as I come across them, or as loewhaley (seriously, follow her) continues to share hers. Best of luck, keep your head up, and always remember to keep your work-life separate from your personal life.